


Bullet Chess

by Cinerari



Category: Captain Harlock, コスモウォーリアー零 | Cosmo Warrior Zero
Genre: Drabble Collection, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2666546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinerari/pseuds/Cinerari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harlock/Zero drabbles</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vows

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse me while I slowly flood the Harlock section with old trash. Many of these were done from prompts sent in to me or by request, but this is my main pairing, so I do have a preference for them. I'll probably make separate fics for my other pairings. Haha, sorry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlock and Zero get married. (Fluff)

Every firefight was a flip of a coin, a gamble with life and death. It was a game Harlock took seriously, even when he grinned at the fun of them. But with the scowling Independent around, taking things seriously became a challenge.

Harlock’s cover was a console in an old relay room, now riddled with bullets. The shots sliced the air overhead and spit harsh crackles as they made contact with the metal panels only a foot from his back. If just one of those blasts made it through in the right spot, he was finished.

The same went for Zero, who was pinned down alongside him. Despite his gun steadily overheating, Zero took quick chances to peer around the side of the console and fire at their attackers. Backup was on its way, but they had to hold the enemy off until then.

"How many have you hit?" Zero asked, his voice warm and unfazed as though it really was nothing but a game.

"Lost count," Harlock answered with a smile. "Probably more than you though."

A smirk tugged at Zero’s lips. "Oh, I doubt it.”

Somehow, it was easy to smile, even if it could all end in an instant. Harlock could only guess it was because they were together. And, of course, they were better shots. "Think we'll make it?" Harlock asked, more as an attempt at small talk than genuine curiosity.

"Hell if I know," Zero said with a shrug. He moved to fire again but pulled back just as quickly to avoid a blast that tore across his side of the console. The heat of it warmed his cheek.

Harlock took the opportunity for a shot, managing to take out another man. Another two stepped in to take his place. “I can’t imagine where they’re getting all these men from, but I think this fight is leaning on the unfair side,” Harlock said.

Zero nodded. “For them.”

As usual, Harlock found Zero’s idea of a joke a mix of endearing and embarrassing. “Well, I think now's as good of a time as any," he decided. "Want to get married?"

"Is that your attempt at a proposal?" Zero snorted. "At least be a little romantic."

In answer, Harlock shot out a hand to take hold of the one Zero used to steady his aim. "Then will you marry me?"

Zero glanced back at him, brow cocked in an unasked question. "Alright, but I don't have any vows prepared."

With an over-exaggerated sigh, Harlock reached over the console to blindly fire a few warning shots. “You _would_ want to be so formal about it,” he said. "What is it? In sickness and in health, 'til death do us part and all that other stuff. Blah-blah-blah."

Zero laughed, another shot whizzing by overhead. "I do."

"Me too," Harlock muttered as he dove forward to kiss his husband. What started as a laugh pressed to Zero’s lips turned to a contended hum. Whether or not the kiss was romantic, with their noses squished into each other’s cheek, it still gave Harlock a rush better than any kick of adrenaline.

It ended too fast for him, with Zero smacking the back of his head to drag him back to reality. They were still in a firefight, and they couldn’t aim in this position.

Harlock pulled back with a growl. "They are ruining my honeymoon. I really think they should leave."

"Maybe you should have been more careful with the invitations," Zero tsked.


	2. Formalities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlock and Zero at a fancy party. (Fluff)

Well, so much for my undercover mission. As one of the butlers moved past, I swiped a vial of champagne and knocked it back. Champagne was a horrid drink. Couldn't they at least have served some good, stiff alcohol? I never had liked formal parties.

My internal pleas of "keep the hell away from me" went unnoticed by the two pirates dressed oddly in matching suits. Seeing Harlock and Tochiro in any sort of formal wear was an odd shock, and the shorter man did look uncomfortable in his. Harlock, however, seemed completely at home. He strode around as though he owned the extravagant mansion. If I hadn't known he didn't, I really might have assumed the place was his.

I hated him for that.

"You don't look half bad in a tux," he offered with a smirk, dropping himself neatly into the seat at my side. I'd picked the table in the corner hoping to avoid people. He was not helping. Tochiro had wandered off somewhere else. I wished I could have been stuck with him instead.

"You're going to blow my cover," I muttered, glancing twitchily about the room. My undercover crewmen were all still in place, and no suspicious eyes seemed to be lingering on them. It was interesting to see them all in tuxes and Marina in a rose-pink dress that she hadn't been in any way happy about.

And I had to admit, the mob boss that owned this place had some good taste in music. I'd danced to this waltz back in school years back.

Harlock's smirk only widened. "Unlike you, I received an invitation. If anyone's going to be blowing your cover, it'll be you."

"So you're connected to Russo, eh?" I frowned. I needed to stop assuming that Harlock wouldn't have connections with the wrong sort, the real bloodthirsty pirates.

"I think his girlfriend has a crush on me, or she wants to use me to make him jealous. I'm really not sure why I received an invitation. Maybe they want to kill me.” He shrugged with a grin. "Should be fun. I figured 'hey, why not?' Free food and all that."

I needed to stop making assumptions in general.

"Well, shoo," I scowled. "I need to arrest the guy."

"You are in a foul mood. Bringing down the party." He shook his head.

"I'm not here to party."

"Why not? Wouldn't you look more naturally undercover it you were enjoying yourself?"

"This is how I always am at parties where the alcohol's worthless," I grumbled.

"There was some wine across the way," he offered, gesturing through the dance floor.

"Red or white?"

"White."

"Oh," I huffed in disappointment.

"Mm-hm," he hummed in agreement. "Apparently the girl likes the color."

I assumed he was talking about Russo's girlfriend who had thrown the party to begin with. All of the décor was a soft cream color. Curtains, tablecloths, and the lights of the chandeliers – it was all so dull.

Like a dog spotting its enemy, Harlock gave a sudden growl. "Damn, she found me again." I followed his gaze to the petite young lady in a cream dress stalking toward him. "She's been trying to cling to my arm all night."

"Maybe she'll stop when we arrest her boyfriend," I shrugged. I did feel a bit bad about ruining her party, but it was our only chance to catch the guy. He had too much security around him otherwise, and even now the guards scattered around the room were making me nervous.

"I just think that will encourage her to harass me," Harlock muttered, moving quickly to his feet. I was starting to rather like this girl. "Come on."

"What?" I blinked as he grabbed my arm and yanked me from my seat.

His gaze was surprisingly firm. "Dance with me," he demanded. He was serious.

"Hell no," I returned dryly.

"Oh, come on, Zero. It'll get her off my back."

"No." I attempted to tug my wrist away from his grasp, but he refused to let go.

"Why not?" he hissed. His eyes darted back toward the girl in mounting terror.

"Because you're you."

"If you don't dance with me right now, I will rat you out." Despite the seriousness of his tone and expression, it was a blatant lie. Harlock wasn't that low, but he must have been desperate to even suggest that he was.

"Fine," I drawled. "One dance." A grin broke out across his face, his eyes brightening in triumph. "But you owe me," I added. "And I won't forget it."

"I would remind you if you ever forgot," he said as he dragged me out to the dance floor. "But I'm leading."

Of course he wanted to lead, and I couldn't exactly risk arguing out in the middle of the room, so I simply had to let him. At least he seemed to know what he was doing. He moved seamlessly along with the music, his lazy smile fitting his easy steps. But to me, the strangest part wasn't that we were dancing or that his hand was settled on my side, mine on his shoulder.

It was that neither of us was wearing gloves, so the hands that touched were touching skin. That would have been strange for me with anyone, but it stood out to me even more with Harlock. I’d never been so close to him before, so close and not trying to kill him.

His skin was rough and worn with calluses like mine, and he tapped his fingers against the back of my hand in time with the music, his touch warm and light. When the song was over, he took a step back but didn’t let go. Raising my hand to his lips, he brushed a chaste kiss to my fingers. A sure smirk sharpened his features as he held eye contact with me.

"Thank you, sir," he purred like any good gentleman might. Of course, he was really just being a brat, because he knew there was nothing I could do about it without drawing attention to myself.

"You're welcome," I answered, my eye twitching. After I'd stalked back to my seat, I found he'd followed me. I guessed he was drunk, because there was no way a sober person could be so obnoxious.

"You do look good in a tux," he repeated as he took as seat at my side. "You should wear formal clothes more often."

"My uniform is formal," I said.

"No, that doesn't count.” He smiled, seeming to lounge in the wooden chair. "You should just go to more parties. Good ones though. I can get you invitations to some you'd enjoy."

"The fact that you have connections like that concerns me."

He laughed with childish warmth, eyes shining in amusement. "It's like I'm trying to talk to you through a brick wall. At least be a little accommodating for me here."

I sighed. There was no escape from him. He was too accustomed to getting his way. "What do you want, Harlock?"

"I'm not sure. I guess I just wanted to be around you." His eyes were honest, no hint of play on his face. He really must have been drunk. "Your bowtie is messed up," he said, before I could find some response.

I wasn't sure if it was messed up. Before I could look down, he took the opportunity to grab it and yank me toward him, forcing our lips together. The sharp sigh through his nose brushed my cheek. I could only hang there in the space between us as he pulled away. "Now I owe you two favors," he decided. His eyes were glazed with what could only be lust.

I felt my ears and face burning. My crewmen were all around this room. If they saw that, then…

Harlock's smile widened at the sight of my blush. "Want me to owe you three?" he purred.

I felt his hand again, taking just as gentle of a hold on my chin as he had my hand. Yes, it was strange that he was so willing to touch me, even stranger that he wanted to kiss me. But the strangest part was that I couldn't seem to figure out whether to say yes or no.


	3. Late Night Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlock and Zero deal with their rebellious teenager. (Fluff; Domestic AU)

Generally, seeing Zero enraged was a heart-pounding, life or death experience. This time it was just kind of funny, but that was probably because it was one of the few times his anger wasn't directed at me.

"He'd better come back alright, not a hair out of place," he fumed, pacing the length of the living room. "Oh, I am going to kill him. If he's gotten himself hooked on drugs or in some sort of…relationship, I-I-"

"Zero, I thought you said you wanted to him to have friends." I was doing my best not to smile. I really was.

Sometime past midnight, Zero's truck was stolen. Well, "stolen" was a harsh word. When I was Tadashi's age, taking my dad's car for a joyride was called borrowing. Had it been my car, there would have been hell to pay, but I could deal with Tadashi taking Zero's out for whatever. Of course, there'd been a few minutes of panic before we realized our own kid had been the one taking it to sneak out. But while I'd calmed down, Zero was still in a panic.

His anger turned on me so fast I was amazed he didn't get whiplash. "What sort of friends does he have that he has to sneak out in the middle of the night to see them?"

Lounging back across the couch, I entwined my fingers behind my head, crossed my legs, and gave him the smirk he always hated to see. "Did your dad ever ask you that question when you came to see me?"

His back stiffened, anger forgotten in a moment of adorable frustration. He may have also forgotten to breathe as his face began to redden. "T-that was your fault," he finally wheezed. "I wanted to meet up at normal times, but-"

"No," I drawled. "You were the one who didn't want anyone to know about it."

"Your reputation was garbage! My father would have killed me!" He sounded just like that teenager I'd conned into dating me years before.

"So you think Tadashi found himself someone like me then? One of the bad boys?" I was absolutely grinning.

Zero looked like he wanted to punch me. "You think way too highly of how stupid you were as a teenager. He isn't going to secretly date someone on my watch, especially if he is stealing my car to do it!"

"Oh come on. I stole my dad's car all the time."

He slammed his hands down on the back of the couch, glaring over at me. "Just because you did something as a stupid teenager doesn't make it okay! How many times did you get arrested?"

Smiling, I reached up to lightly smack his cheek. "None."

His eyes narrowed. "How many times did you almost get arrested?"

"Eh, who's keeping count?" Running from the cops was a specialty of mine. The best times had been when he was with me, almost hyperventilating and telling me how his dad was going to kill him if that cop car caught up with us.

"Fine," he said, a slight growl to his voice. "But he's fourteen. He doesn't even have his permit."

I decided not to mention that I'd driven as I pleased since the age of twelve. Poor Zero's eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with dark circles. All this worrying in the middle of the night was just unnecessary stress. "He's going to be fine," I said as soothingly as I could. "Now come here, and we can wait for him to get back."

Despite my arms outstretched to him like a child asking to be picked up, my cuddle session was denied with a roll of his eyes. Instead he dragged himself over to the recliner and fell back onto it. No fun.

Tadashi showed up ten minutes later, which meant his date must not have gone well. He'd only been gone for about half an hour.

Zero's foot began to tap as the front door opened. I could see a lecture forming behind his wild eyes. Tadashi was still in his pajamas, looking half asleep as he groggily took in us sitting there. A drawn-out yawn left him before he spoke. "I got some ice cream." He held up the plastic bag dangling for his arm for us to see.

"You went to…the grocery store?" Zero managed at length.

"Did your boyfriend go too?" I asked, eager to hear about whatever trouble he was getting into.

He blinked at me as though he'd just woken up. "My what?" he asked. "I just wanted some ice cream, and we didn't have any." In his slippers, he shuffled to the couch and sat down on my legs.

Zero stared absolutely dumbfounded as Tadashi pulled open the gallon of what looked like chocolate chip and began to eat it with the ice cream scoop he must have also bought. "You mean, you went out _without permission_ , took my car _without permission_ , in the middle of the night _without permission_ , so you could get some ice cream!?" Despite Zero's nearing aneurysm, Tadashi didn't look wholly fazed.

"Yeah. Did you want some?"

I couldn't help it. I just started laughing. "Harlock, you're not helping!" Zero roared.

My stomach was aching from the unending cackles, so I sat up and stole the ice cream scoop to grab a mouthful as well. "At least it's not drugs." I said around the frozen sugar.

"You're both so weird," Tadashi sighed.

Zero stood up and stormed up to Tadashi, grasping both sides of his face in his hands. "So you don't have a person you're secretly dating?"

Poor man was going to go insane when Tadashi actually did find someone to date. "Zero, he's eating a gallon of ice cream by himself," I said. "I think it's okay."

"I was just hungry," Tadashi grumbled. "You're both idiots. It's not my fault no one wants to date me." He shoved another spoonful in his mouth. Ah, we'd hit his weak spot.

Zero, finally relieved of his temporary insanity, dragged Tadashi into a strangling hug. "I'm just so glad you're okay. But you are in so much trouble."


	4. Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlock and Zero have an unfortunate fight. (Angst)

"Don't you ever  _think_  before you start attacking?" Zero's voice was growing scratchy from yelling. His hat had been thrown across the room, and his hair was a frayed mess from how much he'd run his hands through it. "I can't believe you. I just can't believe you!"

"There was no way for me to know that ship was undercover," I attempted pleadingly.

It had been clear from the moment he'd invited me aboard his ship for a parlay that something was very wrong. His crew all glared at me, and his first officer was more curt than usual as she'd led me to his room. "He's been drinking," she said just before she threw me into the lion's den.

"Don't you ever just think that maybe if you just damaged a ship without going all out, it would be good enough? You don't have to kill all the other men who claim to be pirates."

"I don't!" I started to stand from the chair he'd told me to stay in, but his glare forced me back down. "If they raise the white flag, then I'll leave them alone. These ones refused, so we kept fighting."

"But you'd already won." His voice cracked, broken from pain. "They sent out an SOS."

"I thought they were calling for backup. It was a coded signal. I didn't know."

"Just take a moment to  _think_! Those men had friends and families! They were just doing their jobs! That could have been me and my crew out there. If you had just…" He poured himself another glass of bourbon with trembling hands and knocked it back without taking a moment to breathe as he drank.

"I'm sorry, Zero. But I can't just let pirate vessels go with a slap on the wrist if I have evidence they're harming people."

He threw his glass against the wall, where it shattered into a brilliant mess. "Those files were  _forged_."

With his anger rising, I couldn't reamain sitting there submissively. I jumped to my feet to finally fight back. "Then you should have told me!"

"I've done everything I can to protect you and your crew, even with all the trouble you cause, but I can't just hand government secrets over to you. You're still a pirate. I couldn't trust you with that information. I didn't think you would just kill them without them attacking first!"

"They were wanted men, and I took them down," I spat. "I was doing your job for you. There was no way for me to know they weren't  _filthy_  pirates like me, so quit trying to put all the blame for this on me."

His hand clenched into a shaking fist, and I braced myself for him to run up and swing. Instead, his anger seemed to drain away. Tears began to roll down his face as he sank down to his knees beside the table. He grabbed the bottle of bourbon, looking far weaker than I'd ever wanted to see him. "The captain of that vessel was the best man at my wedding, and you wiped him out without a second thought." He took a long drink as the cogs of my mind began to turn.

Oh.

Oh…

I'd really, really fucked up.

Even though I was on my feet, I felt like I was crawling toward him. He didn't look at me until I knelt down in front of him, reaching out my hand to take the alcohol away. "Don't touch me," he snarled. "I don't want to see you anymore."

He might as well have plunged his hand into my chest. "Zero, I'm sorry. Please, I really am. If I'd have known, I-"

"But you didn't, because you didn't think, and you didn't care." He finished off the bottle that I swore had been full when I'd walked in.

"I know I made a mistake, and I hate myself for it, but I don't want you to hate me for it. I love you, Zero." It was the one phrase that always broke him. No matter how mad he was or what stupid mistake I'd made, he would always sigh and return it.

He dropped the bottle, stood, and walked away from me. "Leave my ship. This meeting is over. Don't try to contact me further."

It hurt to breathe. There had to be something I could say, something that would bring him back to me. "Zero, please," I begged, returning to my feet. "Just let me talk to you." I reached out a hand for him as though I could pull him back. "Please don't leave."

The door closed behind him. I couldn't see straight. I wanted to break something, so I picked up the bottle and threw it against the wall where he'd thrown his glass. Maybe if he'd been sober, he would have listened. Maybe if he'd been sober, he would know well enough to see how much I cared about him and how stupid he was being. Maybe if I'd been sober during that fight, I might have thought. Maybe those men would still be alive.

I ran out into the hall to find him, but I found his first officer standing there instead. "I'm sorry," I told her, but she shook her head.

"Come on," she said as she turned to lead me back to my ship. I looked down the other way, hoping he might change his mind and come back, and every few steps as I left his ship, I kept looking back. But I'd messed up. There was no turning back.


	5. Strawberry Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlock and Zero talk about trust and drugs. (Angst/Fluff)

I tried not to mind that Zero smoked, because it was hard to consider it a bad thing if it wasn't hurting him. When I asked him once, he said he used to really smoke but moved to the funny little electronic ones that lit up blue on the end for a reason he didn't feel like telling me. It was even harder not to like the habit since he always used fruit flavored smoke, and was cutely childish in a way. It tinged the air with a sweetness that tempted me to snatch the little stick from him to try it myself, but he refused to let me, so I was left to curl close to him and smell the air.

I tried not to mind, because it shouldn't have been a problem. It should have just been an odd quirk of his, but it was clear to me from the very first time I watched him smoke that it was something he did while stressed.

And he was stressed more often than not.

But he didn't want his crew to know that, so I was one of the few who ever saw him smoke, usually while he lounged against the pillows of the hotel room I'd buy for us, still wearing all of his clothes unfortunately. The hotel rooms often became nothing more than a place for us to be away from everyone else to talk, because we were usually tired and spent the last of our energy catching up.

"Harlock," he said. "I've been hearing some rumors about you."

"Is that right?" I cracked an eye open as the wisps of his words trailed above me in the form of vapor. "Sounds like we're back in high school. What has the rumor mill been spewing about me this time?" I felt somewhat like a cat, lying back with my head in his lap. I took a deep breath of the sweetened smoke – strawberry. How cute.

His eyes flicked down to me, clearly studying me for some reason. "Well, there are two sides of what I'm hearing. The government is getting information that you're starting up a rebellion, gathering men out near Andromeda."

"And you believe that?" I smiled.

"No, but it concerns me that there is someone doing that, and either they're being mistaken for you, or they're using your name." He sounded grumpier than usual, but he looked more tired than usual too.

"I'll look into it. Don't you worry. No one gets away with using my name for something stupid." While I couldn't blame someone for the idea of rebelling against the government the whole system was in the middle of repair. They needed time to work it out. Destroying it to start over wouldn't yield better results at that point. We needed to wait and see what the final product was before we went on the attack.

The end of the cigarette glowed bright blue as Zero took another drag. "Hey, blow that in my face," I said. His brow furrowed, and he looked down at me as if he thought I was an idiot. "Just do it. Smells nice."

He breathed down to let the foggy trails of vapor wash over me. It smelled like strawberries along with hints of the peppermints he popped like pills so often. "The other rumor," he continued, "was that you're apparently well known for picking up people for the night on populated planets you stop on."

For a moment, I could only stare at him. I couldn't fathom what he meant by picking people up. Like…for sex?

I sat up so fast I nearly caught the cigarette in my eye. "What!?"

He refused to look at me, frowning dejectedly at the floor. He might as well have been a kicked puppy. "I understand that I don't see you often and I don't really…" His cheeks tinged the color of the strawberry scent filling the room. "But if you had just talked with me about it-"

"No!" I finally snapped to my senses. "I haven't slept with anyone! Oh my God, Zero." I slapped a hand to my face, rubbing at my forehead. "I would never do that to you. Who's even telling you these things?" I needed to kill them.

His frustrations were as clear on his face as his blush. He never gave away a source, but this wasn't something he needed to keep from me. "I don't know, Harlock. You're famous in your own way, and every time your name comes up, I hear things, and I never know what's true."

With a sigh, I adjusted myself on the worn bed to sit in his lap, which immediately made him more flustered. I hated how often I had to see him tired or stressed or sad. He deserved so much better than that. "Please look at me," I said, a request instead of an order. His misty eyes darted up to catch mine, only a few inches away. Now I really was irritated with the cigarette, keeping me from getting too close. "There are two things you need to know about me, because I guess I never told you before. One, I don't sleep with people I don't know. Two, I don't lie to people I care about. So I don't want you to listen to what those people say about me. Don't ever listen to them. Listen to what I tell you, because it's always the truth." To get around the wall he'd put up, I moved around to his neck, kissing up to his jaw. "Besides," I purred. "Why would I sleep with someone else, when I could just buy a hotel room to take a nap with you?"

He broke with a snort, his shoulders shaking as he laughed. "We sound like old people."

My grin kept me from kissing him more, so I settled on stealing his hat from the bedside table to put on. "Maybe if you actually got some sleep, we could have more fun."

"Don't put this all on me. You're always half dead when we meet too." With his guard down as he scolded me, I snatched the cigarette away and finally nabbed myself a proper kiss. His breath tasted like strawberries and mint. I found myself growing fond of the combination. My hands tangled in his hair, and his locked around my back to drag me close. At some point his hat fell off my head, but I was too caught up with drowning in that kiss to care. It was the one thing he was better than me at, and he managed to leave me humming my pleasure against him, my toes curling. I was always panting harder than him when we broke apart.

"Why would I bother with anyone else when you can do that?" I sighed.

His smile held a hint of triumph. "I can't think of a single good reason."

I dropped my face into his shoulder with a childish whine. "It's not fair. I'm so tired!"

He snatched the cigarette back from between my fingers, switching it off before he set it aside. I heard the room's lamp click off. "We'll pick back up later," he breathed through a laugh, turning to kiss my temple. He was always so unfairly sweet. He began running his fingers through my hair, and it felt so nice that I couldn't be bothered to move. "Thank you, Harlock," he said.

"What for?" I muttered.

"For staying with me, even though you could have anyone else." He almost sounded sad again. I hated that.

I turned to lean my face into the crook of his neck, just as warm and smooth as always. "Why would I have anyone else when I could have you?"

"Oh, I can't think of a reason." He probably did have some in his head, but as long as he wasn't saying them, he understood my feelings, because he was all I wanted, all of his perfections and flaws. I was happy to have everything.


	6. Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlock and Zero talk about what it's best to ignore. (Angst)

He thought I didn't know anything about him, because he'd never told me. Either that, or he simply pretended I didn't know. And in some ways, I wished I hadn't looked up his files. I wished I hadn't read every little detail, hadn't found that life scanner still weighting the pocket of his jacket.

But in other ways, all that knowing made me want to know more. I wanted to ask him about his parents, his childhood. I wanted to know about his military training. Bastard that I was, it took all the self-control I had not to ask about his wife and child. It felt unfair that I couldn't know. I'd told him everything about me. Every secret I'd ever kept was entrusted to the man who was supposed to arrest me, but he wouldn't tell me a damn thing.

So one day I asked. "You were married, weren't you?" It was one of those moments where I wished I could grab the words as they fell from my mouth and tear them to pieces. I expected anger, a storm brewing in his eyes, but instead the color drained from his face. Somehow that was worse.

The mere thought of his past, the mere question was like I'd stabbed him in the chest. He looked so panicked that I started to backpeddle. We would escape this conversation and go somewhere else. I would tell him another dumb story about my life, whatever it took.

But then he opened his mouth. "I was married for…three years." I watched him swallow, saw the raw grief in his eyes. "Her name was Aurore. She was…" He sighed. His eyelids sunk as if under the weight of it, and she shook his head. "I loved her very much."

It didn't make sense to me. I'd lost people too. I'd lost so many people, but I wasn't crushed by it like he seemed to be. His entire disposition fell at the thought of his grief, and he looked so weak because of it.

"What about your daughter?" I asked. The façade of ignorance I hid behind fell away in one fell swoop, but he didn't look surprised. He leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling of my room. His wine glass hung limp in his hand. He didn't seem too keen on finishing it.

For a moment, he looked like he was going to answer me, but then he shook his head. His eyes misted over, and it was clear that was a subject we couldn't touch. "I hope you never lose your family, Harlock," he whispered instead.

I understood what he meant. He already knew I had no parents, but this version of "family" was different in some way. As selfish as it was, I found myself offended by the idea. "You're not going to let me get that close," I said. It was an accusation, and it sounded stupid even to my ears. But the realization that he wouldn't let this relationship turn into anything was a slap to the face. It did explain why he refused to tell me he loved me.

He bit is bottom lip so hard I swore he was about to draw blood. Instead he suddenly downed his wine. His hand was shaking as he set the glass down. "Harlock, I like to pretend that somehow this will work out, but that's all it is – pretend. We're going to fall apart, one way or another. Either we'll fight, or my job will forcibly separate us, or one of us will die, maybe both. That's something that I don't like to face, so I do my best to pretend, because I really do wish we weren't in some stupid world where it just won't work, but it just won't work."

It felt like the most honest thing he'd ever said to me, and he was…right. It wouldn't work. _We_  wouldn't work, not because he wouldn't let me get close, but because our paths couldn't remain locked. He looked so close to tears again that I stood and went over to him, because I needed to be close to him at that moment. I cupped his face in my hands just so I could touch him, and I smiled because it was something I could do for him. "But I love you," I said, "so let's just keep pretending for as long as we can."

He nodded, leaning into my touch, but he wouldn't say it back.

He never did.


End file.
